Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
