i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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