who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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