just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
