The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That's intense
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
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After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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