cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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