Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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