Will you blow on my dice?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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