Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
