i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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