Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
