____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize