Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
