Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
