You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
