was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
