Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
