If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
