another moral hangover. fuck.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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