Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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