I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude. I can hear the air.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
