I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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