I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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