we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
