Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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