Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
