we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize