I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
