My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
