I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The ass gains better be worth it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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