mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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