Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just blew my weed a kiss
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
