Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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