good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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