obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
