he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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