dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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