I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
