wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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