Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
