I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
