if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
