Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
