babies were throwing up all over the place
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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