I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
