My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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