Kiss
Puke
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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