just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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