Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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