can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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