Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My vagina is very pro this idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
