I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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