I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
