Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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