I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
