the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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