I haven't been this sober since birth.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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