FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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