am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
