If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
