i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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