I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
